People Who Use People
by Theinsanefangirl
Summary: Barney begins perusing an old friend of Robin's. He thinks he likes her, but with the help of Lily, he realizes that he's only using her to get Robin jealous. BarneyOC, BarneyRobin, TedRobin, TedOC, MarshallLily because that's just obvious :D R
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I fell in love with the show after one episode, the season finale. I want to watch it all. So, sorry that I've been neglecting other stories. Some are being deleted, but I'm not sure which yet. I will be continuing my Bleach, Sherlock Holmes, and possibly my Inuyasha one. Sorry. Barney is just too full of awesome.

People Who Use People

So, he was in love. So what? She didn't love him back, he knew that much. What was the point of hanging around her when he was clearly irresistible to tons of other women in the world? They dated around for a while, but it was awkward, so there was no point in trying any longer. Let's just hope it doesn't kill him on the way.

It was just another night in the diner. Marshall and Lily were already there, chatting over a cup of tea. However, after a minute or two of talking, they began to kiss. Barney came in wearing what he believed to be his best suit in his closet, and approached them.

"People are trying to eat in here," he said, causing Lily to squeal and quickly pull away. Her face was as red as hair. He grinned, sitting down across from them. "What'd you order me?"

"Nothing," Lily replied. Barney gasped. "What? We didn't know you were coming!"

"Fine," he scoffed. "Got to do everything myself around here." He picked up a menu from another person's table and skimmed through it. The waitress came by with her little notepad.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Oh, yes, I'll have the cheeseburger and a Pepsi…" He looked up at her and smiled slightly. "And you… When do you get off?"

"Hahaha, nice try," she laughed, writing his order and walking away.

"Barney, do you have to flirt with the waitress?" A voice asked. It was Ted, who was walking in with Robin at his side. Barney immediately turned his eyes away from them.

"What are they dating, now?" He asked Marshall and Lily. He turned back to them, feeling his face grow hot when his eyes met Robin's. "Look at this, you guys. The idiot-duo has finally gotten together! Can you imagine what the kids are going to look like?" Robin said nothing and turned her face away from them, wiping a tear that was forming in her eye. "Dye your hair back, blondie."

"You're blonde, too," Ted pointed out.

"Yes, but I actually pull it off. You see…" Barney's voice trailed off as his eyes fell upon a girl approaching the group. She had waist length black hair, wore a blue dress, and had green eyes. Weird combination, he told himself, but she pulled it off. She was cute, but he didn't think she would be the type of person he would pursue. He shook it off and realized that while he was looking at the girl, his food was delivered. He took a sip of his Pepsi, wondering why that girl was approaching them anyway. Maybe she needed more salt or ketchup or something. But, if that were the case why didn't she just ask the waitress? He shrugged; he had no control over what someone else decides to do. He glanced over at Ted and Robin. _Well, _he thought, _if they want to date, it's not my right to stop them. _

"Robin," the girl said, "is that you?"

"Oh, Sharon!" Robin squealed hugging the girl tightly. Barney suddenly became interested in what was going on and looked up at them.  
"How do you know each other?" he asked.

"Sharon used to be in the same high school class as me," she said, smiling. "It's been so long. Oh, Sharon," she turned to her friends, "this is Ted Mosby, Lily Aldrin and her husband Marshall Erickson, and…" she sighed when she came to Barney, "Barney Stinson." They all said their hellos to Sharon except Barney who started eating his burger in an attempt to avoid the whole thing.

"So, you guys, like best friends?" Marshall asked.

"Well, I wouldn't say best," Robin admitted sheepishly, "but we're pretty close, huh, Sharon?"

"Yeah. Well, listen, I got to go. It was nice seeing you again." She went in her purse and handed her a slip of paper. "Here's my number; call me."

"Will do," Robin smiled, hugging her friend once more. Sharon was halfway out of the diner before Barney sprung out of his seat, and sprinted towards her, knocking Ted on his way.

"Sorry, buddy," he said as he approached Sharon. "Hey."  
"Uh, hey? Barney, right?"

"How sweet! You remembered my name. Ah, listen, do you want to go out somewhere?"

"Not really."  
"Aw, come on. We can catch a movie and maybe…" He nudged her with his elbow, "head back to my apartment." He smiled.

"No."

"Listen, sweetheart," he said, taking a few strands of black hair and twiddling it between his fingers, "I can show you a good time."

"Puh-lease!" She growled, pulling her hair away from him. "I've been with guys like you before, Barney. You charm a girl, make her fall for you, and then you sleep with her. After that, you leave her, and then want nothing to do with her. So, just leave me alone." She tried to leave, but he ran in front of her to prevent her from doing so.

"You know, I love it when a girl plays hard to get," he smirked. He edged closer to her; she moved backward.

"You know, I love it when a guy knows when to give up," she smirked back.

"So, if I give up, you'll like me?"

"Shut up." She scoffed and left the diner. Barney knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with her and let her leave, but that didn't mean he was going to give up altogether. He would find a way to charm her.

On their way home from the diner, Barney wondered why Robin and Ted were walking the same way. He just assumed he was walking her home or something.

"Hey," he said. "Why are you walking with Ted?"

"Oh," Robin whispered. She looked up at Ted, and he nodded, meaning it was alright to tell him the truth. "The truth is I moved back in with Ted." Okay, he was not expecting that, and he was definitely not expecting his heart to drop like a rock at those words.  
"Ah, congratulations. I thought you bought a new place or something. Or bought Don's place, seeing as how he doesn't need it anymore. You know, with him moving to Chicago and all."  
"Yeah."

"So," he started in an attempt to change the subject, "that girl, Sharon, what is she into?"  
"Why? Do you like her?" Ted asked.

"Kinda. She's cute and all."

"Well," Robin began, "she loves getting flowers, chocolate, and walking down the beach hand in hand. She wants a guy who's not afraid to confess his love to her openly and embraces her when she's sad…." Her voice trailed off and she watched her feet as she walked with Ted. "…Good luck, Barney."

"Thanks. Can I have her number?"

"I don't think…" Before she could say anything else, he grabbed her purse, found the number, wrote it on his hand, threw her purse back, and ran away while her and Ted were yelling after him.

Barney sighed as he sat himself down when he got home. He looked at his hand and was pleased to find that it wasn't smudged or anything and was perfectly readable. He took out his cell phone and called.

"Hello?" A woman on the other line asked.

"Is this Sharon?" He asked. He didn't know her last name. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! You should've asked Robin, you stupid idiot!_

"Yes. Who is this?"  
"Barney Stinson." He had a feeling she rolled her eyes when he told her.

"Listen, buddy, I told you to leave me alone. How did you get my number anyway?"  
"Stole it from Scherbatsky," he replied with a grin that she could not see.

"Just leave me alone," she repeated. "I am not going out with you. I know your type."  
"Just meet me by the park tomorrow," he urged her. "It's not for a date or anything…. It…" He looked around for an excuse and his eyes fell upon his calendar. "Robin's birthday is coming up and I wanted your help with a present."  
"Why me? Doesn't she have other friends like Ted, Marshall or Lily?" _Wow, she's good. She remembered everyone's names! _

"Well…" he cleared his throat nervously. "I wanted your help because you know her better than any of the other guys. So what do you say? Help?" He heard her sigh on the other line and knew he had her right where he wanted her. He wasn't lying; Robin's birthday was coming up in about a month, but it's better to prepared. He'll just have to see where it went from there.

"Alright," she finally said, "but, it's only for Robin. Not a date because I don't like you."

"Wow, sad."

"I know. What time tomorrow?"

"Noon."  
"Alright, good night."  
"Good night," he replied hanging up the phone. Right when he hung up his phone, he yelled "WOO!" and jumped on the couch. Then, he jumped off the couch, adjusted his tie, and headed to the kitchen for a glass of beer; he wouldn't drink scotch because Robin did.


	2. Chapter 2

Barney was up at around eleven that next morning. He almost fell back asleep before he realized that he was meeting Sharon at noon in the park. He jumped out of bed, pulling the covers along with him. He grabbed his pants resting on his desk chair and quickly pulled them on. He fell asleep with his shirt on, so he just buttoned it up, put on his tie, and his jacket.

"Suit up!" He said to himself in the mirror, with a grin. Before leaving, he fixed up his hair, winked at himself, and grabbed his keys. _She likes getting flowers and chocolate… _he told himself as he made his way to a local florist shop just a little way from the park where he was meeting Sharon. When he got in, he looked around and was at a complete loss. He didn't even know what type of flowers she liked.

"Smart Barney," he grumbled, pulling out his phone and calling Robin.

"Hello? Metro News 1. May I help you?" The receptionist said on the other line.

"Yes, I would like to speak with Robin Scherbatsky," Barney replied.

"She is about to go on the air. Who is calling?"

"Barney Stinson; I'm a friend. You have to let me talk to her! It's urgent." The women sighed.

"Miss Scherbatsky," she called. "Phone for you. A Barney Stinson."

"Oh, god, what could he want?" Barney heard her and he chuckled underneath his breath. He heard her footsteps coming closer.

"He says it's urgent."

"What?" Robin asked after getting the phone from the receptionist.

"Wow, rude much?" Barney asked.

"What do you want? What is so urgent?"

"What kind of flowers does Sharon like?"

"That's urgent?"

"It is for me! Unless people from Canada don't care what kind of flowers they get."

"Shut up, Stinson. She likes roses. Any color."

"Are you sure?" He asked. "I better not show up with white roses and have her yell at me that she wanted them red, and then demand I paint them red like she's the freaking Queen of Hearts!" There was a silence between them.

"That's not going to happen. Now, I have to go," she said. "See you later."

"Wait! Robin…." He sighed. "…Thanks…. And bye."

"Bye," she replied. Barney stayed on the line hoping she would change her mind and decide to talk to him further, but she hung up. After a minute or two, so did he. Barney grabbed the reddest roses he could find; he did not want to have to paint roses; he didn't mix well with work. After buying the roses, he went straight for the candy shop, buying a heart-shaped box of milk chocolate because he didn't want to risk getting any with nuts in them. He didn't want her to eat one and then have her choke and die on the park grass with tons of little kids playing soccer watching because he was stupid enough not to ask if she was allergic. Better safe than sorry, right?

"Alright," he told himself. "I've got candy and flowers… I think I'm ready." He made his way to the park and saw her sitting on a bench, with her waist length black hair up in a high ponytail that shined from the sunlight. "Hello," he said when he approached her. She turned around to face him.

"Hey," she replied, getting up from the bench and wiping her green dress, which matched her eyes perfectly. Her eyes narrowed. "What are those for?"

"Huh?" He looked down at the flowers and chocolate. "Oh, for you." He handed them to her.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why give this to me? This isn't a date, Barney, I told you that!"

"Excuse me… just a gift to welcome you to America!" He laughed. _Great excuse! You are one awesome fellow! _

"Thank you," she said, smelling the roses. He smiled. "You're pathetic, you know that?" His smile faded from his face.

"What?"

"You don't think I actually fell for that lame excuse." She laughed. "Now, what can I help you with?"

"Well…. I've been avoiding Robin lately," he admitted with a slightly pink face. "Things haven't been too good between us and I want smooth the relationship." _Yeah, I'm seriously here to get help for her birthday present. Don't you realize I'm trying to get you? _

"Can I ask what happened?"

"I…. I'd rather not say." He didn't want to tell her that he'd been sleeping with her and then they starting fighting, so they broke up or he'd have no way of wooing her.

"Fair enough," she said. "What I remember is that she loved journalism. Didn't she become a newscaster?"

"Yeah, she did."

"Why don't you buy her a personalized journal? I also remember her liking violent objects, so…. A paintball gun or a box of cigars?" Barney thought on it for about two minutes.

"Yeah, that actually sounds good," he finally said with a smile. "I think all three would be great presents. So… Tell me about yourself." He sat down on the bench and patted next to him for her to sit next to him. She was reluctant to, but she did it anyway. He was glad to be off the subject of gifts for Robin.

"What do you want to know?" _Anything to win your heart._

"Anything," he replied. "You know, hobbies, stuff like that."

"I like animals. Foxes, especially. And I really like art," she said, looking down at her feet with a slight blush.

"Really?"

"I know it sounds lame, but it's really fun."

"No, I don't think that's lame. I think it's really cool actually."

"You do?"

"Yeah. My friend, Lily, is into art, and her artwork's pretty good." He shrugged, wondering if Lily was painting at that moment. _ Good going, Barney. You're wearing her down. _He glanced at his watch. "Well, I got to get going. Thanks for putting up with me. Well, want to go back to my apartment? You sure are cute, aren't ya?" He nudged her with his elbow as he did the night before. She rolled her eyes and groaned. She really thought he was being a generous guy until he went on and said that.

"Like I said, Barney, I know your type," she spat.

"Right," he sighed. "So, can I meet up with you next week?"

"This wasn't a date, as I have told you before, so why should I meet you next week?" _Uh, I need another excuse….. _

"I still need to get the presents for her. So, can you come with me and help pick out? I'm no good with these types of things…I would probably just buy her a suit or something…"He smiled.

"Alright, but that's it!" Sharon yelled, pointing her index finger at him. "Got it?"

"Got it," he said, taking her hand and shaking it. He crossed his fingers behind his back with his free hand. _Yeah, right, do you seriously think I'm just going to quit? Barney Stinson is too awesome to quit! _

Barney met up with Lily and Marshall at the diner (really a pub in the show; bear with me, I've only seen one episode.) and asked for their advice. _I'm too awesome! Why am I asking for advice from these two? Oh, yeah, they're married. _

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he began when they were seated, holdings hands, as Barney noticed, "but I'm in need of dating advice." Marshall and Lily gasped as though the world just ended. "I know, right? An awesome guy like me, needing advice? It shocks me too. I think even more than you guys."

"Barney, are you joking with us?" Lily asked in a rather serious tone.

"I am not. I would never joke about something so sick and shocking. It's just…" he shrugged in order to show how shocked he was. "… It's sickening."

"It really is," Marshall commented. "But why come to us?"

"Yeah, like I'm really going to go to blondie and birdface!"

"Who?" Marshall asked, leaning towards Lily.

"I think he's talking about Ted and Robin," she explained. "But seriously, Barn, why us?"

"Well, you guys are married. You must know something about dating… and…. Who cares why? Just help me out!" Marshall and Lily exchanged glances and Marshall nodded. Barney smiled.

"Okay, listen, and listen good, I don't want to have to repeat myself, because that counts as work, and as you know, the Barnman doesn't work."

"Yeah," Marshall said coldly remembering when he tricked him with a recorded message and believed the man in the cab was Barney's doppelganger. He glanced over at Lily, hoping they would be blessed with a child sometime soon. He turned back to Barney. "Go on."

"Well," Barney began, "I really like that girl, Sharon. Robin's friend!" He added when they gave him blank looks. "Anyway, she's playing hard to get and I really want her and I need help on getting her. I've never dealt with a woman like this before."

"Sure, you have," Lily and Marshall said at the same time.

"What do you mean?" He asked, pulling at his collar.

"There have been tons of times when you've flirted with women and they didn't want you," Lily explained.

"True. However, with a little flirting that took about three seconds of my life, I had them in my apartment that same night and out before they could talk about our future together. WHAM!" He banged the table on the last word, making people around jump and scowl at him. "This chick is different. I flirted with her and nothing!"

"Have you even talked to Sharon since we met her last night?" Lily asked.

"I met up with her this afternoon," he explained.

"If you went out with her already, why do you need our advice?" She pointed to herself and Marshall. Barney looked down at his feet in obvious embarrassment.

"I had to lie to her," he admitted. "I told her I needed her help in finding a birthday present for Robin."

"Her birthday's not until next month," Marshall spoke up.

"Don't you think I know that? It was just a lame excuse to learn more about her."

"Well, what did you learn?"

"She's into art."

"Really?" Lily asked, feeling interested now because of her own love for art. "It would be cool if you dated her… that is, if you actually date her. I don't want you sleeping with her and then leaving."

"I guarantee, Lily, I will not be doing that. I actually like her," he said.

"Well, if you want to woo her," Lily said, "take her to the art museum."

"Art museum? Lammmeeee."

"Oh, come on! It's really nice. Marshall took me there on our first date." She squeezed his hand and leaned in for a kiss. He immediately kissed her back.

"Hey, hey!" Barney yelled. "I'm having a crisis here!"

"Sorry," Marshall blushed. "What else does she like?"

"She also says she likes animals."

"Take her to a slaughterhouse!" Marshall cheered. Lily turned to him with a weirded out look.

"No, Marshall, just no," she said. "Take her to a zoo."

"A zoo?" Barney asked, with a sigh. "Can't I just get her a stuffed animal?"

"If you want to take the easy way out," she sighed.

"Well, it's sure as hell easier than taking the hard way out. Well, I think I have a pretty good idea about what I want to do." He got up, brushing off his suit. "Thanks, buddy, Lily." He patted them both on the shoulder and left the diner with a smile on his face.


End file.
